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for reko muse

by Puddlejumper

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about

This song is about my two experiences of sexual assault and the recovery process. A lot of people like to tell survivors we’re “strong” or whatever which has always pissed me off because it kind of forces us to find a nonexistent “silver lining” on our experience. The reference to Reko Muse is because art is simultaneously the thing that led to my first assault but also the thing that’s helped me the most in recovery. I liked the idea of “crying into” a space cis men aren’t allowed and that feels safe as a result, like finding safety in the healing process.

lyrics

I’m your favorite worn out road
That you sped down when the waters rose
I’m your thorn
your overdose

Side by side, we looked at the moon
I was only seventeen you were close to twenty-
Too young to notice and too weak to care
In your green eyes, I asked how, when, and where

Now I’m crying into Reko Muse
Trying to forget the things I learned from you

Came into my room when I asked you to leave
Walked up to me and took everything
They tell me
it’s only skin deep

Trying to untangle everything that’s happened
Don’t tell me I’m strong when I tell you I’m damaged
I’ve been screaming into the night
I’ve been seeing my scars in your eyes

Now I’m holding onto Reko Muse
Trying to reclaim the things I lost to you

My mother says that I’m insane
My sister says that I’m to blame
My father thinks it’s all the same
‘Cause they don’t know
Nobody knows, nobody knows

Now I’m crying into Reko Muse
Trying to forget the things I learned from you
Now I’m holding onto Reko Muse
Trying to reclaim the things I lost to you

credits

released April 23, 2021
songwriting, lyrics, guitar, production - Soleil Engin
vocals - Hannah Wilson-Black
drums - Jack Downey
bass - Alex Caceros

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Puddlejumper Hingham, Massachusetts

Puddlejumper is a project started by songwriter, lyricist, guitarist, and producer Soleil Engin and vocalist and lyricist Hannah Wilson-Black at UChicago. Inspired by late nights on the beach and lifelong friendships, Puddlejumper draws on shoegaze, dream pop, and ambient influences.
Follow on Instagram and Twitter @puddlejumprrr ... more

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